Radiation is starting to feel like the last 6 miles of a marathon or the last part of any race for that matter. You know you are more than halfway done. You know it makes no sense to turn around, because going back is further than finishing. You feel like crying because your so tired, when in all actuality you should be joyous because it is almost done, but your just so darned tired.
Thinking about a marathon makes me want to do one. I just keep on thinking of things I want to do that I did before cancer. I want to proof to myself that cancer has not changed me, it hasn't taken me down. Sometimes I even think maybe this was all a test, I didn't really have cancer. It has all just been a test to see if it can break me, break my spirit, break my habit of thinking positive, break my habit of thinking the best of everyone, break my smile that I try to give to everyone, break my thinking that people have it way harder than I do.....and it hasn't broken me. But as I type this I am crying because sometimes it does feel so unfair and surreal and so tiring.
I love you so much, dear daughter-in-law. And I admire you for your faith, your toughness, and your wonderfulness. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOMG...I'm crying here.
ReplyDeleteAnita, this is a marathon and you are running the race to the finish line as the one that comes out victorious! It is a test that you will -- no, you ARE -- passing with flying colors!!! We are a family in faith, so put your reliance on our Father and he WILL sustain you!!!! All that cancer has done is make you stronger!
Love,
Leanne
It's okay to cry because we all have bad days. But continue to stay focused on the positive as you always have; I love that about you. Know that you are surrounded by family, both physical and spiritual, you love and support you very much.
ReplyDeleteNow start that list of all the things you're going to do when you kick this thing. Hugs!!