5 down 28 to go

What is the radiation experience like for me? I walk into the office and the girls know you (cause you go there everyday), the people sitting in the waiting room know you as well (cause they are going through their radiation regiment).  The receptionist buzzes me back into the exam and radiation area. I go and grab a locker, like a spa locker. I throw my purse and any clothing that is from the waist up off.  I put on a non-sexy gown and I don't even bother to tie it up.  I go into the sitting room and say "hi" to the regulars. We compare and share stories over water (bummer no vodka tonics here).  One of the radiation nurses comes and gets me. Everyday they ask, "what is your birthday and which breast are we treating?"  I'm such a brat because I want to say "hello, it's the breast without the nipple, the one that you've drawn a big "X" on with a Sharpie marker." But, instead I ask if she has any special plans for the weekend. She's getting her hair done, awesome! Bad attitude sneaking up again, in my head I say, "umm must be nice to have hair to get done."

As a side note, last night Gabriella as asked if it's all girls that get to see my boobs each day and I said, "yes." She said, "phew." Well, to mix it up today there was a male nurse (no jokes please, he was very nice). We walk into the radiation room and I take off my sexy gown and lay down on a moving table. Two nurses on each side of me adjust my body to the exact millimeter so that I match up the same way and the rays get me the same way each day.  I lay with my hands over my head, no top on and I feel so vulnerable.  When would we ever lay anywhere half naked with our arms up (not covering our privates) in front of strangers?  Once the nurses get me positioned they leave the room.  They must have some sort of remote control for the bed because the bed starts to move, it makes a funny sound, like a roller coaster getting ready to take off.  The medical staff has to first do a scan to make sure and adjust the rays. As I lay there these space age robot arms start circling me and it sounds like C-3P0 is in the room with me.  Once they have the radiation ready these same robot arms circle the bed and it sounds like a little kids laser gun is shooting into me.  In my head I'm hoping my lungs and heart are being like a snail or turtle hiding in their shell from the laser gun.  I try to imagine those organs shrinking away from the radiation. Mind of matter, eek, I can only hope.  Once the team is done with the radiation the robot arms go back to the start position, they lower the bed, I hop off, put my gown back on, wish them all a good day and back the the locker area.  I'm in and out of the office in about 30 minutes. The end, just 28 more days to go.

Gabriella's new "funny" thing is to check my armpit to see how much hair is growing on the side that I'm not allowed to shave.

Thanks for reading

Stinky hairy armpit

Yup, you read right. Stinky hairy armpit. The radiation nurses just informed me that I can't shave or put deodorant on the side they are radiating. I'm thinking they must have forgotten we live in Arizona (I kid). Cancer seems to not care about self-esteem. My daughters solution:  trim your underarm hairs with scissors and put deodorant and perfume on my shoulder. Problem solved. Sooo, if you get a whiff of Tom's lavender (no metal in their deodorant) on one side and Secret Cotton scent, you'll know why. :)

To wig or not to wig, that is the question....

It is 3 months after chemo and I finally have some hair on my head. Woot woot! It's still 105 degrees in Phoenix and wigs make it even hotter.  To wig or not to wig, that is the question. I'm not wearing my wig to the grocery store, work-outs, or meetings.  I am wearing my wig to work, per Gabi's request. I've started working at Gabi's school. She is ok with the no wig to tennis, gymnastics and pretty much everywhere else, but not school. I'm hoping to be able to go to work without a wig by the first of the year.  I have a big case of hair envy.  I just love looking at girls/women with hair.  I obviously did not truely appreciate my hair when I had it. I have to laugh at how things change. I used to look at magazines for long hair ideas, now I am so excited to be able to have a pixie style. Come on hair keep growing!!!

Raaaaadiation Time, Come On!

Raaaadiation Time, come on. It's a radiation.  (Sing to the Kool and the Gang song, Celebrate Good Times song.) I start radiation tomorrow at 9:00. I'm not nervous, cause it can't possibly be worst than chemo or surgery, so basically a walk in the park. It's suppose to take about 20 minutes. Monday-Friday for the next 33 days.  So....if your looking for me, you know where to find me.  They say I should expect skin irritation and fatigue. Fatigue is a funny thing, who isn't fatigued now a days, except for maybe a room of kindergartners. So we shall. Ciao for now. :)

CIPN

The now....CIPN. Chemo induced peripheral neuropathy, peripheral nerve damage caused by chemo. I don't have cancer but if I'm not moving my fingers, wrists or shoulders my arm limbs go tingly and numb to burning pain. Awesome. So, if you peak into our house throughout the night you just may see me doing "jazz hands" to try to make it go away. If I knew when it was going to stop I think it would be easier to handle but just as it comes on out of nowhere there is no set time for it to stop. Dr. Google says it could be months, years or indefinitely. Yay, way to narrow it down. Going to call the oncologist this week. Ta ta for now.

Dr. Google

January 22, 2012 - What do you do for the rest of the weekend you find a lump in your boob?   You feel the bump until it hurts, you think that is a good sign cause cancer doesn't hurt. You feel it some more and think, it has smooth edges because cancer has irregular edges. You think this is no big deal because you were just in the gyno's office in November and everything was fine. Oh and while your in a happy state of denial your husband does the only thing he can, he turns to Dr. Google.

Ahhh, Dr. Google, who in our day and age has not asked Dr. Google to check our symptoms, side effects or cure?! Bad idea/good idea it hardly can be helped. Our result was further confusion. My favorite question from Jon this weekend, "don't you feel your boobs?"  My answer, "nope." Contrary to some (of course not all) men, we are not as enthralled with our boobs and do not spend hours or even minutes feeling them. I jump in the shower, speed wash, speed dry and get the day rolling, this includes breakfasts, lunches, outfits for work and school, homework etc. We take our kids to school, ourselves to work, pick-up from school, homework, dinner....game over. No time for booby fondling, I thought that fell in the realm of husbandly duties. Thank goodness Jon did, he found it, he saved my life. I seriously would have never took the time. So for the 100 millionth time, get to know your boobies.

Monday get here so we can call the gyno and get an answer.

"One love, one nipple.."

Do you know the song by U2? One? That is what I heard in my head when I looked down at my chest during water aerobics today. There staring right at me was one nipple. It seems quite apparent to me but I'm sure no one else noticed. I have to laugh because I sure as heck am not going to cry? I'm thankful to be bouncing around in a pool with the sun shining. I could be laying in bed after chemo, so haha on you cancer.

As a side note, the way I'm going to work this blog is like some fictional authors do, one post/chapter in the past and one post/chapter in the present.

The beginning of the "bump in the road."

January 21, 2012 - It's Barrett Jackson Saturday and Jon, Bella, Gramps and I are going to see some dream cars. We get home and Jon and I are spending some "quality time" together, wink wink. Things are moving along when.....I say, "what are you doing, giving me a breast exam?" Now I think I'm hilarious but Jon's not laughing. He has me feel my left breast, right behind my nipple. There is a lump the size of an Oreo. I can't tell you how quickly that puts an end to the nooky session. Think car racing down a track and then suddenly slamming on the breaks. So, what does any normal, sane person do...Google it of course. The rest of the afternoon and evening is used for squeezing my boob and comparing what we feel to what we are reading on the Internet. I on the other hand am preparing myself for a trip to my favorite place, The Land of Denial, (no passport needed). I just had my annual OB/GYN visit in November, there was nothing in my boob in November why would there be this big lump 2 months later? I have no family history of cancer in my family. I eat right, exercise, don't smoke, go out to Happy Hour maybe once a month, if that. There is no way this lump is cancer. Now this story would have ended here if it was up to me, alas, it isn't. Jon says I have to call the OB/GYN on Monday.  In the Land of Denial things move forward, I've got stuff to do, snuggles and hugs to be handed out to an eight year old. I am not going to think about Monday until it gets here.

I got a tattoo today actually not one but 3. What?!???!? Yup that's me, bad to the bone. Haha. Nope it's actually 3 pin drop tattoos so that they know where to radiate me. It was CAT scan day. My favorite phrase of the day, "make sure you keep your neck turned and very still, we don't want to radiate your esophagus'" or your heart, lungs etc. Raditation starts on 9/24/12, almost 3 months after chemo. Thirty-three sessions in all,once a day, 5 days weeks for alittle over 6 weeks. Am I happy to do it....no. Will I be thankful when it's done...yes. Right now I feel like its a pain in my butt and interruption to my life.

40 years young

January 11, 2012 I turned 40. I had never felt better and happier in my life. Ok, besides my wedding day and the day we had Gabriella. But, to be completely honest, this day was different. I felt secure, thankful and truly blessed. I wasn't sad to turn 40, I didn't feel like my life was half over, I felt like life couldn't get any better.