Why oh why have I not written in so long?

It has been over three months since my last treatment. Why have I not written? Because, I am so excited to live my life.  The life that did not include multiple doctor visits a week.  The life that isn't scheduling the next doctor visit.  Has it been amazing?! Umm, yes!!! It's the life where I can be like everyone else, mostly everyone else.

Am I like everyone else? No. Some may say, "why do you want to be like everyone else?"  Maybe it is more like I want to be my old self, the one before cancer.  I never was one to think worst-case scenario when it came to health, especially my own health.  What happens now?  I have a back-pain and it wraps around to under my arm where my lymph nodes were removed, what do I think now? The cancer has come back, we didn't get everything.  In all actuality, the bump I hit while sledding was nasty. What does Jon, my husband think, "the bump she hit while sledding has dislodged cancer from another part of her body."  After numerous e-mails to the oncologist and a visit to the chiropractor, all is well.  Would I have thought I got cancer from sledding a year ago, no, I would have called myself a hypochondriac.

Last week we went to see the oncologist for my 3 months after treatment visit. I told him I felt as good as I did before I was diagnosed in January 2012. I'm working, I'm working out, my brain has come out of the chemo haze. I'm loving life, except for the missing nipple.  He says,  "that's great, see you in 3 months.  Go to the back and get your blood work." Hip-pity Hop.  I go and see the "Chemo girls," show them my fabulous "fro," I get my blood drawn and I am out of there.

Easy peasy, right? Nope! Welcome back to reality.  Jon and I are driving home and we get a call from the doctor, they say, "turn around and come back your white blood cells are way too low."  What are Jon and I thinking? "Are you freaking kidding me!!!" I feel great, how can something be wrong.  Would I freaked out before having cancer, no.  Where does my mind go now?  "This is the same thing like last time, I was feeling great and I got cancer." Right away I start gearing my mind for another round of chemo.

What is the reality?  Chemo is still messing around with my body.  My white blood cells are super low, I'm prone to infection and if I do get sick it's straight to the hospital with me. Is there a solution? Yes, I got a neupogen shot.  This shot stimulates the bone marrow to make white blood cells. 

We went to see the oncologist on Tuesday, we have to wait until Monday to see if the shot works and to see where I stand with my cancer markers.  Ahhh, the lovely games our mind plays.  I come home from the doctor and have a piece of chocolate and lay down.  What does Jon do?  He turns to Google. I'm working all week, 8-4, so I'm busy and happy.  Less time for my brain to think, "I got another cancer due to the chemo."  Jon is not one to wait, for anything, so he goes to the chemo dr. on Thursday and gets the results.  He then comes to my work.  I can still see the picture fresh in my eyes.  He has the blood work in his hand and his eyes are tearing up.  Lord, I don't want to do this again.  But, his tears are of joy, my cancer markers are exactly where they are suppose to be and the neupogen shot has worked. Woot woot.  Really, I would prefer to read drama rather than having it part of my life.

Why write now?  Because some how I thought I would be through with this cancer business in November. I like to joke and say I birthed a cancer baby, (9 months of cancer business and done.) I thought I could put it in a box on a shelf and just go back and look at it when I wanted, but that isn't the case.  I see breast cancer license plates and I wonder, "does that person have it or did they have it? Do they have someone going through it?  Did they make it?"  I see a girl walking for her workout and she is wearing a bandanna, I can tell she has no hair under her bandanna.  She is walking with her head held high.  But, I know it isn't easy.  I want to stop my car and tell her she is doing a great job, keep it up. I go to the chemo doctor and I see people in all different levels of their fight and it brings it all back.

I just found out that a 17 year old girl that I met in December has just been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor outside her trachea. Her blog is carleyelleallison.wordpress.com.  She reached out to me yesterday and she said I am an inspiration to her. Hello!!! She is an inspiration to me.  I need to keep writing because if this story helps one person, if it makes one person laugh after a hard day, it's all good to me.

Thank you thank you for all your support.